There comes a time in life
When a fog rolls in
Youth makes you run away
Because the fog clings
But it always finds you
Like it’s tethered to you
But if you turn ’round
Walk like a pilgrimage
You always get through
And whilst it’s scary first
And it does cling on
It’s more of a caress
That wants to help heal
Turn, face, and walk through it
Fog always passes
And you will remain here
Youth brings with it naivety
Not of a negative kind, but one of purity
And obscurity can hurt the mind at that time
Telling lies becomes addictive
And inflicting that on someone so young is harmful, no matter how far flung
When you can’t see far, shadow puppets become God
All knowing, showing you what to do
Or is it do what I say, not what I do?
I can’t remember, and now you are mad
And now I am scared and now I am sad
I just want to be loved and I just want to be me
I want to be free but I am always scared
Of the one who owns the hands who casts the puppets
The truth is all that matters
Everything else flatters to deceive
But flattering flutters it’s eyelashes
And promises flashes of something magic
That is tragically out of reach
And to try to teach people to spot
The not so believable truths is a chore
Doubling down is the danger
That any stranger wanting power can make you devour hour by hour
So be brave, don’t give in to hate, and don’t fear about being late to the party
It’s just getting going again
A new start,
Are you eager?
Why aren’t you?
It’s what you want,
Isn’t it?
What if I fail?
Not for me?
Say something dumb?
Offensive?
What if I cry?
Or lash out?
Think of them dead?
Or fucking?
I’m excited,
That’s the truth,
It’s time to start.
I walk through my sister’s flat
And I turn and face the mirror
I can hear the silence of the panic between my ears
And on reflection this had been coming all along
All those irrational fears and years of fighting it off had slowly caught up with me
And I fall, I sink, and I think that I cannot think, and I see my thoughts rush past me
My feet take me to my car, but from afar my heart and mind are frozen
And somehow I’m home, and surrounded by love but I’m so alone and nobody else is with me
And a voice, call from far away, next to me, and they say.
Hello lovely boy, how are you today?
The Poetry of OCD