That damn hum
That morish sound
Wiping the slate clean
With milky white eyes I stare forward
As the gore around me barely registers
I can still feel me underneath
A puddle under a lead blanket
But I’m not me anymore
I’m a puppet, held by strings
That damn hum
Youth brings with it naivety
Not of a negative kind, but one of purity
And obscurity can hurt the mind at that time
Telling lies becomes addictive
And inflicting that on someone so young is harmful, no matter how far flung
When you can’t see far, shadow puppets become God
All knowing, showing you what to do
Or is it do what I say, not what I do?
I can’t remember, and now you are mad
And now I am scared and now I am sad
I just want to be loved and I just want to be me
I want to be free but I am always scared
Of the one who owns the hands who casts the puppets
After what felt like a lifetime
Like the world had stopped for us in a single place
And the universe allowed us, for a moment, to be silent
To take everything in and allow it’s nurturing essence into our lungs and our blood
It is now over
Will everything be the same as it is? Or the same as it always was?
Have I changed? How will I know?
Like the waterfalls that were all around us, maybe experience erodes us after time
And not in an instant
The dream is over, back to reality
The truth is all that matters
Everything else flatters to deceive
But flattering flutters it’s eyelashes
And promises flashes of something magic
That is tragically out of reach
And to try to teach people to spot
The not so believable truths is a chore
Doubling down is the danger
That any stranger wanting power can make you devour hour by hour
So be brave, don’t give in to hate, and don’t fear about being late to the party
It’s just getting going again
Brighter days on the way
With people chatting and absently wandering
Like idyllic zombies
Brainlessly heading towards the next lunch or meal
Incoherent groaning
But why complain about what it is others do
Brighter days on the way
Make the most of it, it could be one of your last
Does anybody lie?
Or is it just me?
To gain what you want to?
To indulge just you?
Is it part of living?
To deceive others?
Or is living instead,
To believe the lies?
And live in ecstacy,
For a little while?
Families are forever
Whether you want them or not
Political stances and virtue signalling
They’re the only ones that you’ve got
You could talk for hours and hours
About gunpowder, treason and plot
Or say the odd word
And that could say a lot
You feel the pressure to get on
Even when the relationship is shot
But always, always remember
To alter yourself you should not
Don’t think about rude stuff and kids,
Or stabbing him in his pupil,
And pulling off his own eyelids,
Or anything else as brutal,
Stop brain, I don’t want to shag that,
It’s a worm, or a bird, or cow,
I’m not going to strangle my cat,
So please stop letting me know how,
I didn’t sign off saying ‘cunt’,
I didn’t run over that girl,
Don’t want to show my cock in front,
My weird and creepy cousin Earl,
This is fucking exhausting brain,
Do we have to do this all day?
It is all a bit of a pain,
Oh well, guess I’m just born this way.
Perfection,
We will always strive for it,
But what for,
We can never obtain it,
We still try,
Because shooting for the moon,
Sometimes means,
That you will get super close,
But there is,
That feeling that you have failed,
Negative,
Even though you have come far,
You can’t see,
Because unattainable,
Is what counts
A new start,
Are you eager?
Why aren’t you?
It’s what you want,
Isn’t it?
What if I fail?
Not for me?
Say something dumb?
Offensive?
What if I cry?
Or lash out?
Think of them dead?
Or fucking?
I’m excited,
That’s the truth,
It’s time to start.
The Poetry of OCD